The Top 20 Stupid Criminals of 2017

1.  In January, we heard about a guy in upstate New York who got busted for drunk driving and bought 1,000 copies of his local paper, so no one would find out.  But then the story went viral and EVERYONE found out.

 

2.  A 31-year-old toothless woman in Florida got busted for stealing a car in January . . . because her DENTURES were in the car when the cops found it.

 

3.  In February, some idiot wanted to make some quick money in the stock market by BOMBING a bunch of Target stores.  He thought their stock would plummet from all the bad press.  Then he’d buy a bunch of it and sell it for a profit.  But luckily the guy he hired to plant the bombs went to the cops.

 

4.  A 26-year-old woman in Georgia intentionally rammed a truck that was hauling chickens back in February . . . because she was an angry vegan.

 

5.  Back in April, a high school senior in Texas didn’t want to turn in her cheerleading uniforms when she graduated.  So she told the cops someone broke into her house and stole them.  But they didn’t take anything else . . . just the uniforms.

 

6.  A 23-year-old guy in Oregon got arrested in April for drunk driving . . . after he crashed into a drug and alcohol rehab clinic.

 

7.  In May, a woman in Bangor, Maine who was running a topless cleaning service got arrested for shoplifting underwear.

 

8.  Also, for the second year in a row, someone got pulled over for driving 88 miles an hour in a DeLorean . . . the speed they had to hit in “Back to the Future”.

 

9.  In June, a 28-year-old guy in Florida called 911 and said his grandmother had a stroke.  But it turned out he just wanted the cops to give him a lift to Hooters.

 

10.  A guy in Fort Worth, Texas tried to steal a DVD copy of “Lego Batman” in June.  But when he walked outside, he got caught by an off-duty cop who just happened to be DRESSED as Batman.

 

11.  A 30-year-old woman in Florida got arrested over the summer after she left her 5-year-old son in a hot car for about 30 minutes.  Then on her way to jail, she complained that the cop car was too hot, and asked them to crank the A/C.

 

12.  In July, a guy showed up at a radio station in Boston and requested the song “My Axe” by Insane Clown Posse.  Then when they refused to play it, he pulled out a REAL AXE, and ended up in a three-hour standoff with police.  Luckily no one was hurt.

 

13.  An 81-year-old woman in Delaware was arrested in August for using counterfeit tickets to try to ride the bumper cars at an amusement park.

 

14.  A 22-year-old car thief in Florida got arrested on August 21st when he stopped running from the cops . . . and pulled over to watch the solar eclipse.

 

15.  A woman in Canada crashed her car in September while searching for a distracted driving TICKET she’d gotten 11 minutes earlier.

 

16.  A guy in Canada got pulled over and ended up with a $118 ticket back in September . . . after a cop saw him scream-singing the C+C Music Factory song “Everybody Dance Now” while driving.

 

17.  (This might be our FAVORITE stupid criminal of the year.)  In late September, we heard about an international drug dealer who finally got caught when he flew from France to the U.S. . . . to participate in the World Beard and Mustache Championships.

 

18.  In October, a guy got arrested for shooting someone in the leg at a saloon in Tombstone, Arizona.  That’s where the shootout at the O.K. Corral happened in 1881.

 

19.  A guy in Atlanta robbed two banks in one day back in November.  And the cops were able to identify him . . . because he stopped in between robberies to do an on-camera interview with the local news about traffic congestion.

 

20.  A 38-year-old guy in California recently stole a $300,000 Ferrari.  Then he got caught a few weeks ago after he asked people for GAS MONEY, and they realized the car couldn’t possibly belong to him.