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Here are a few random facts for you.  The word “turquoise” is based on the word “Turkish,” because it described the color of the Mediterranean off the coast of Turkey.  And in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme, there’s no mention of him being an egg . . . that’s just how he’s evolved to look in pop culture.


Labrador retrievers are the most popular dog breed for the 26th year in a row, according to the American Kennel Club.  German shepherds are number two, and golden retrievers are number three.

According to a new survey, babysitters now cost $15.20-per-hour, per-child.  But even with those prices, almost one-third of parents hire a sitter at least once a week.


A group of hackers allegedly has at least 300 million people’s iCloud passwords, and they’re threatening to wipe ALL of those people’s iPhones on April 7th unless Apple pays them $100,000 in iTunes gift cards.  So you should probably back up your phone and change your password ASAP, just in case.


A guy in Virginia robbed an apartment last week and broke his leg jumping off the balcony.  He called 911 for help, and paramedics went out to help him . . . but the cops also heard the call, so they headed over and arrested him.

A woman in New York used a store’s bathroom on Monday, and their bathroom key was attached to a big spoon.  So she used the spoon to COOK HEROIN . . . and when the employees figured it out, they called the cops.  She was arrested for drug possession.

A 31-year-old woman in Orlando recently told her husband she’s into LADIES now, and wanted to date another woman.  They got into a huge fight about it on Sunday, and she was arrested after she threw BLEACH in his face.


Here are a few random facts for you.  Former presidents get free postage for life.  And Durex condoms got their brand name from the combo of three words:  durable . . . reliable . . . and excellence.


According to a new survey, Daylight Savings makes work harder because your day seems like it goes by slower . . . you feel less motivated . . . you’re less productive . . . it affects your memory . . . and it takes longer to do stuff.

Here are some results from a new survey about our BUTTS.  8% of people never wear underwear . . . 47% sometimes get pimples on their butt . . . and 2% have worn PADDING to look bigger and rounder back there.

According to a new study, the more selfies someone posts, the more the amount of JEALOUSY in their relationship increases . . . AND the quality of their relationship goes down.

A new study found Americans’ favorite fast food chains are In-N-Out Burger . . . Chipotle . . . and Chick-fil-A.  And the least popular include McDonald’s . . . Popeyes . . . and Pizza Hut.


 A guy was busted for smuggling drugs from the Dominican Republic to New York on Friday when Customs noticed his thighs were, quote, “busting out of his pants.”  They searched him and found ten pounds of cocaine strapped to his legs.

  A guy in Pennsylvania repeatedly called 911 last week asking them to send WOMEN to his place.  Eventually he was arrested for disorderly conduct.

A drunk guy was driving a golf cart in Key West, Florida last week and tried to run over a ROOSTER in the street.  But the chicken crossed the road to safety, and the guy flipped the golf cart.  He was charged with a DUI…. DON’T BE A DUMBASS.


A new study found married people are having LESS sex than other people.  The average married person gets-it-on 55 times a year . . . the average person who’s not married does it 59 times a year.

Are these things sexy . . . or awkward?  A new survey found 75% of people think eye contact during sex is sexy . . . it’s a 50-50 split on whether dirty talk is sexy . . . and 55% think sexting is awkward.

A new survey asked people what chain has the most CRAVEABLE burgers, and the number one pick is White Castle.  The rest of the top five are:  Krystal . . . Burger King . . . In-N-Out . . . and Whataburger.


A guy in Ohio replaced his sister’s goldfish with BABY CARROTS last week because he didn’t think she was taking good care of them . . . and then he posted a picture of it on Twitter.  She didn’t notice, but the Internet did, and the tweet is going viral.

A guy in New Zealand robbed a gas station on Monday . . . dressed as the “Left Shark” from KATY PERRY’S 2015 Super Bowl halftime show.  He only managed to get away with a bag full of CANDY, and now the cops are trying to track him down.

A 19-year-old guy in Cleveland called 911 last Thursday . . . said he swallowed a pregnant spider that had given BIRTH in his stomach . . . and that baby spiders were crawling out of his mouth.  But when paramedics got there, he admitted he’d dropped ACID about an hour before he made the call.

W.T.F. Whisky Tango Foxtrot?!?! (030617):

Amazon sells a cell phone that, basically, is designed to be smuggled into prison inside of a rectum.  It’s about the size of a double-A battery and it’s 99% plastic to avoid setting off metal detectors.

A hotel in Mexico is selling a $25,000 taco.  It’s got a tortilla infused with gold flakes . . . Kobe beef, rare Norwegian lobster, and caviar . . . and a salsa that uses coffee beans POOPED OUT by a cat.

A 50-year-old guy in Japan was recently found dead under his insane PORN collection.  He had a heart attack, and a huge pile of X-rated magazines fell on him.  His landlord says the porn collection weighed over six tons.


A guy in Texas was busted last week for having sex with a fence.  He’s been charged with indecent exposure.

A mailman in Minnesota was caught having sex with a DOG on his route last month.  He’s facing up to 10 years in prison for burglary and bestiality.

A 52-year-old guy in Germany was busted for drunk driving last week, and when he was at the station, he randomly confessed to MURDERING a woman 25 years ago.  He had ZERO criminal record before last week, and cops still aren’t sure why he finally confessed.


Here are some of our weird candy eating habits, according to a new survey:  32% of people are patient enough to lick their way to the center of a Tootsie Pop . . . 16% bite the ends of Twizzlers to use them as straws . . . and 5% don’t break apart Kit Kats and eat them together.

According to a new survey, 90% of people say that pretty much every time they go to Target, they buy stuff they weren’t planning on getting.  The sale stuff is the most common impulse buy.

 A new study found that the WORST way to treat a hangover is to try to drink it off.  It temporarily numbs the pain . . . but ultimately, your symptoms will come back even STRONGER.


A 26-year-old woman in Georgia intentionally rammed a truck that was hauling chickens last month, because she’s vegan.  Then she drove off, but cops found her license plate on the ground and arrested her.

A guy in Wales was depressed over turning 50 last year . . . so he BLEW UP his house.  He was hurt badly in the explosion, AND he was just sentenced to four-and-a-half years in prison for arson.

A guy in Northern Ireland was busted last year for repeatedly having sex with the MAIL SLOT on an empty house.  He just pleaded guilty to three counts of property damage.


One out of eight people say they don’t have ANY good friends, according to a new survey.  18% of people have two close friends . . . 18% have three . . . and 6% say they have more than 10.

A new study found the average public pool contains up to 20 GALLONS OF URINE.  And hot tubs are even worse because there’s not as much water to dilute it.  One hotel hot tub they tested had three times the concentration of urine as the worst swimming pool.


A 24-year-old guy in Florida was in the gallery at an attempted murder trial last Thursday, and started live-streaming it on Facebook.  So the judge found him in contempt, and gave him SIX MONTHS in jail for it.

A guy in Japan stabbed HIMSELF in the leg last week to try to get a day off work.  He told the cops someone else stabbed him, but they quickly figured out what happened, and he was arrested for interfering with police duties.

A guy in Florida started a fire in a motel room over the weekend . . . when he took his MOTORCYCLE into the room.  He was arrested for arson.


Here’s how an average person eats TOAST, according to a new survey.  84% like it moderately toasted . . . 71% go for white bread . . . 83% use butter . . . and 45% eat it without cutting it.

A new study found that staring at screens is bad for your sleep . . . but even if you DIDN’T, your sleep still wouldn’t be any better.  The researchers say that whether it’s stress, noise, or any other distraction, you’re always going to have some bad nights of sleep.

You can guess about one out of four people’s names JUST by looking at them, according to a new study.  It could be because there are subtle stereotypes about different names, and over time, people let those influence their appearance.

A new study found the hardest working and laziest American cities based on things like the average hours people work, people with multiple jobs, and volunteer hours.  Anchorage, Alaska is the hardest working . . . and Burlington, Vermont is the laziest.

According to a new study by “U.S. News & World Report”, the best states to live in are Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Minnesota.  And the worst are Louisiana, Mississippi, and Arkansas.

A new study just ranked the major airlines using criteria like prices, satisfaction ratings, and frequent flyer programs.  Alaska and United did the best . . . and Spirit and Frontier are at the bottom.

A new study found more than three-quarters of people living in Louisiana, Michigan, and Ohio were born in those states.  On the other end of things, only 26% of people living in Nevada right now were born there.


Brothel owners are mad at Tinder . . . because it’s made it TOO EASY for guys to find women to have sex with.  They say business has flattened out over the four years since Tinder became popular.


A woman in Utah collided head-on with a cop’s SUV last week . . . because she was distracted playing with a puppy.  Fortunately no one was hurt, and she got two citations.

A guy in Florida stole a Maserati during a test drive last week . . . but he’d left his license at the dealership.  The cops used his info to quickly track him down and arrest him.

An ATM in Florida got jammed earlier this month.  And it turned out someone put a small bag of COCAINE in the deposit slot.  It’s not clear if they did it on purpose, or if it got mixed in with their cash.

A high school track team in Kentucky was practicing on Friday when a grown woman hopped the fence . . . STRIPPED NAKED . . . and started running with them.  She was arrested for indecent exposure and public intoxication.

A 38-year-old guy named Alexis Pickles got arrested this month near Austin, after he exposed himself at McDonald’s, and then assaulted a cop when they tried to arrest him.

A guy broke into an adult store in England last week, watched a porn DVD, and then stole a $375 sex doll.  The cops are trying to track him down.


According to a new survey, 86% of people now say they’re pretty much CONSTANTLY checking their emails, texts, and social media throughout the day.  And 42% say they do it even though things they see on social media stress them out.

According to a new survey, 65% of people say they believe robots and automation will be taking over several OTHER industries . . . but THEIR industry and job are safe.

According to a new survey, the chores we LOVE doing are cooking and organizing . . . and the two we hate the most are ironing and cleaning the house.

According to the National UFO Reporting Center, UFO sightings are at an all-time high.  There are now about 4,500 to 5,000 sightings a year . . . and Americans see UFOs about 300 times more often than the average around the world.


A woman in Florida was sleeping on Tuesday when her boyfriend’s dog jumped up on a bedside table . . . hit his GUN . . . and shot her in the leg.  Doctors removed the bullet, and she should be okay.

A cop in Florida caught a 300-pound guy stealing women’s underwear from a Victoria’s Secret on Tuesday, and the guy BROKE the cop’s kneecap in a fight.  Some other cops arrested him, and the cop with the broken knee was taken to the hospital.


People say “size matters” WAY more when it comes to a cell phone screen than when it comes to body parts, according to a new survey.  67% say “size matters” with a phone screen . . . and only 29% say that about body parts.

A new survey asked people if they think it’d be easier to learn how to do their taxes, or learn other complex subjects.  27% think it’d be easier to learn astronomy . . . 13% think it’d be easier to learn an instrument . . . and 12% think it’d be easier to learn how to HOTWIRE and steal a car.

According to a new survey, about 30% of us open and close the door with our butt when we use a public bathroom . . . 52% of women and 25% of men “hover” above the toilet seat . . . and about half of us operate the flusher with our foot.

Here are some STRANGE foods people put ketchup on, according to a new survey: 42% put it on fried chicken . . . 37% on eggs . . . 13% on pizza . . . 5% on nachos . . . and 1% on ice cream.


A woman in New Mexico was pulled over on Friday, and instead of doing the sobriety tests the cop wanted, she did two CARTWHEELS.  She was arrested for drunk driving.

A 26-year-old nursing home employee in Ohio gave a LAP DANCE to a 100-year-old resident back in December.  She says it was to make him feel good, but she’s been arrested and charged with gross sexual imposition.

A guy in Florida called 911 to report someone had stolen his wallet on Monday . . . but detectives found it in his suitcase.  The guy admitted he made up the story to get out of work, and he was arrested.


Would you want to know when and how you’ll die?  According to a new survey, only 1% of people would want the ability to find that out . . . and see the rest of their future too.  The majority of people don’t want ANY spoilers about their future.

& There’s a new trend where people are eating oranges in the SHOWER . . . because it helps avoid the sticky mess.  And people are sharing photos of their “shower oranges” on social media.


A guy was at a job interview for TGI Friday’s in England last week, and the interviewer asked him, “Would you rather eat poop-flavored chocolate, or chocolate-flavored poop?”  There’s no word on what he picked, but we DO know he complained to the corporate office and the interviewer was suspended.

A drunk guy in Colorado bashed up someone’s truck with a bat last month, because he thought they parked too close to his car.  Then he slurred his words in the NOTE that he left for them.  He spelled the word “sorry” with two Y’s.  And he said he had anger issues, but spelled “issues” I-S-U-S-E-S-H.

A guy in Pennsylvania got into an argument with his parents over the weekend over how much of a POT PIE they’d eaten . . . and he wound up attacking his father with an AX.  He was arrested for attempted homicide.

A car thief in Tennessee climbed a tree to get away from the cops over the weekend.  And then . . . he FELL.  He broke several bones and he was arrested.

A 58-year-old woman in Florida criticized her 42-year-old boyfriend’s PERFORMANCE when they were getting-it-on earlier this month . . . and he responded by hitting her with a plastic SEX TOY.  He was arrested for battery.


When people have their phones taken away, they start showing some of the same symptoms as people with PTSD, according to a new study.  That includes an elevated heart rate, higher stress levels, and fidgeting and scratching.

A new study found that there’s NO correlation between someone’s personality at age 14 and age 77.  The main reason is because your life experience helps you grow and evolve for the better.

According to a new study, Los Angeles has the worst traffic in the world.  The average driver in L.A. spends 104 hours a year stuck in traffic.  The top five in the U.S. are L.A., New York, San Francisco, Atlanta, and Miami.

Amazon.com is the company we like the most, according to a new study.  And the company we like the least is Takata, which is the company that produced millions of defective airbags that killed eight people.


A guy in New York tried to order a Miller Lite at a fancy Italian restaurant earlier this month . . . and when they didn’t have it, he THREW his waiter over a table.  He was arrested.

A guy in Canada was just busted for driving with a live FERRET around his neck.  He got a ticket for distracted driving.

A 47-year-old prostitute was arrested earlier this month for offering to perform sexual favors on an undercover cop . . . in exchange for two soft tacos from Taco Bell.  They would’ve cost a total of $2.14.

A 21-year-old in Florida named Bernard Muscadin likes to go by the name Ben.  And he repeatedly punched a BLIND guy in the face last Wednesday for calling him Bernard instead.  He’s facing charges for battery and abuse of a disabled person.

Stats Studies Surveys & Results (022017):

According to a new study, working from home every day is more stressful than working in an office.  The sweet spot is to work from home two or three days a week, and go to the office the rest of the time.


A construction crew in Texas gutted a house earlier this month, but didn’t double-check the address first . . . and it turned out it was the WRONG HOUSE.  Now the owner of the construction company might have to buy it for $369,000.

A cop in England recently got fired for sending his boss an X-rated photo of a porn star he thought she looked like.

A 49-year-old guy in Florida was planning to detonate a bunch of small explosives in Target stores this month, so the price of their stock would drop, and he could buy it on the cheap.  He was caught and is now facing up to ten years in prison.

A 26-year-old guy was doing parkour on a roof in Denver last Thursday, and fell 40 feet down a chimney.  It took firefighters about two hours to get him out.  Then after he went to the hospital, police arrested him for trespassing.

A 62-year-old guy and his wife were at a casino in upstate New York last Sunday, and a 21-year-old woman agreed to have a threesome with them.  But then someone said they’d rather have a foursome . . . it started a huge fight . . . and they all got arrested.

Stats Studies Surveys & Results (020817):

According to a new survey, the number one sign that someone’s really into you is if they take care of you when you’re sick.  The other big signs are taking you to a family event and talking about you with their friends.

According to “U.S. News & World Report”, the best city to live in is Austin, Texas, followed by Denver . . . San Jose, California . . . Washington, D.C. . . . and Fayetteville, Arkansas.



A cop in England pulled over a cab driver for speeding on Friday, and his excuse was . . . his passengers kept passing gas.  He wound up getting a speeding ticket.

A woman in Houston got upset on Monday when she got a cold taco from a taco truck.  But when her boyfriend told her to calm down, she pulled out a gun . . . and wound up SHOOTING him.  She was arrested.

Police in Florida were investigating a crime last week when they found a guy who’s on probation cuddling in bed with his BONG.  And he’d been using it to smoke meth, so he was arrested.

A woman in Florida crashed her car in a ditch while she was driving drunk last Wednesday.  When the cops asked her if she was hurt, she responded that she was DEAD.  Since that proved she WASN’T dead, she was arrested.

Stats Studies Survey’s & Results(020717):

You’re more likely to get dumped today than any other day of the year, because it’s exactly one week from Valentine’s Day.  55% of people who’ve dumped someone right before Valentine’s Day did it face-to-face . . . 28% did it on the phone . . . 12% texted them . . . and 5% did it on social media.

A new study found the best cities for dating, based on their percentages of single people.  In your 20s, the best city is Madison, Wisconsin . . . in your 30s, it’s Austin, Texas . . . and in your 40s, it’s Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Does it count as cheating if you get-it-on with a sex doll?  According to a new survey, 59% of people say YES, that’s cheating.

Daily Dumbass Report(020717):

A woman in England wanted to shoplift stuff in a stroller last month, but she didn’t have a baby . . . so she drew a face on a BRA so it looked like one.  But the staff caught her, and she was just sentenced to 12 months of probation.

A burglar was trying to run away after he broke into a house in Nebraska last week, but he slipped on an OLD PUMPKIN on the porch . . . and cracked his skull.  He was rushed to the hospital, and he’ll be facing burglary charges.

Stats Studies Survey’s & Results(020317):

A new survey found 31% of us don’t plan to watch the Super Bowl this Sunday.  But football is our favorite sport to watch by far.  39% said it’s the best sport to watch on TV.  Basketball was next at 12%, and then baseball at 10%.

55% of people say dating is IMPOSSIBLE in their city, according to a new survey.  And only 12% say it’s exciting and fun.

If you don’t get chocolate for Valentine’s Day, will you buy some as a gift for yourself?  According to a new survey, 43% say they’d definitely do that.

A study in England found that if your kid hates a certain vegetable, they’ll start liking it a lot more if you make them eat it 15 days in a row.

The average wedding now costs $35,329, which is up almost $3,000 from a year ago.  On average, 44% of it comes from the bride’s parents.  Only 13% comes from the groom’s parents.  And 42% comes from the bride and groom.


A guy in New Jersey tripped over a Christmas tree outside of an apartment complex in 2015 . . . because someone had thrown it out in MARCH.  He says he suffered serious injuries, and now he’s suing the apartment complex.

A guy in Oregon was set to meet a woman from Tinder at a motel on Monday.  But while he waited for her, he took a shower and left the room’s door unlocked . . . and when he got out, she’d stolen everything, including his clothes.  The cops are trying to track her down.

A guy in California crashed his truck into his old company’s building on Tuesday night . . . then he went inside and BEAT UP his former boss.  And for the grand finale, he walked back outside . . . and DROPPED DEAD.  The cops are trying to figure out what killed him.

A drunk driver in Oklahoma almost hit a guy on Sunday . . . when he accidentally drove onto a film set where they were making a DUI awareness ad.  He was arrested.


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