Someone went through E.R. records to find the funniest ways men injured their JUNK in 2022. The best ones include a dad who got karate chopped in the crotch by his kid . . . a man who managed to get his groin piercing stuck in a car door . . . and a drunk guy who applied toilet bowl cleaner to his junk.
We’ve seen a lot of year-end lists this past month, but this might be our favorite: The Consumer Product Safety Commission keeps a running tally of E.R. visits in the U.S., with short descriptions of how each person got hurt.
So someone went through and found the funniest ways men injured their JUNK in 2022. Here are the highlights . . .
1. A man went to the E.R. after scrubbing himself too hard with a loofah.
2. A guy was using a French press when it shattered and spilled hot coffee on his crotch.
3. A dad got karate chopped in the groin by his kid. He went to the E.R. 10 days later because he was still hurting.
4. A man accidentally ran straight into the tip of a mop handle.
5. A guy got caught in his zipper, and was still stuck in it when he showed up at the hospital. (“We got a bleeder!“)
6. A guy was sitting on the toilet holding a nail file . . . leaned forward to grab toilet paper . . . and stabbed himself in his business.
7. A man was working out with a friend when an elastic exercise band slipped out of the friend’s hand, and the handle struck him in the groin.
8. A guy was having a pillow fight with his dog. (???) The dog lunged for the pillow and accidentally bit him down there.
9. (Careful!) A guy’s groin piercing got caught in a car door. (!!!) And another guy’s groin piercing got caught in a dishwasher door. A third guy also slammed his junk in the fridge. (We at least assume it was three different guys.)
10. (Careful!) A man was using a penis pump and suddenly heard a POP.
11. (Careful!) Some idiot tried to circumcise himself with a pair of scissors. (!!!)
12. (Careful!) A guy ended up in the E.R. after putting a ZIP TIE around his junk while getting-it-on with his girlfriend.
13. A man was lying in bed with a HANDGUN . . . leaned forward . . . and accidentally shot himself in the crotch.
14. A guy got hit in the groin with a soccer ball . . . then again with a football later that day and had to go to the hospital.
15. A guy was playing basketball when a baseball from a nearby field flew in and hit him in the crotch.
16. A guy passed out at his bachelor party, so his buddies glued his junk to his stomach.
17. A man was sitting on a freshly lacquered wood bench while naked. His junk stuck to the bench when he leaned over, and got crushed by his leg. (???)
18. A drunk guy thought he was applying a “sexual stimulant,” but it was really toilet bowl cleaner.
19. A dude somehow got his wedding ring struck on the base of his junk. (???)
20. A guy was watching football . . . got excited when his team scored . . . and accidentally punched himself in the nuts.
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